Whether you call them Resolutions or Goals, let them help you.

By Paula Ganzi McGloin, January 6, 2025

I love lists. That includes New Year’s Resolutions, though I like to call them Goals. A resolution is deciding not to do something. I prefer a positive spin. Instead of resolving not to eat fried foods, my goal is to eat healthy nutritious foods.

When I was married to an alcoholic, different types of aspirations crept onto my January Goals list—Try Al-Anon and Open a Safety Deposit Box. In addition to health and career, were personal items about protecting myself. My husband’s selfish and reckless behavior forced me to start thinking in terms of ‘me’ not ‘us.’

While I continued to try to help him, I had to remember to help myself. Similar to a flight attendant’s instructions to passengers to put their oxygen mask on first before helping others so that they don’t become unconscious should the cabin lose pressure–the same thinking applies to loved ones of alcoholics. All the responsibilities fall on you, while the alcoholic is shirking their duties around the house, on the job, with family. You need to stay healthy to take care of everything and everyone, including yourself.

Our marriage was in turmoil, his life spinning out of control forcing me into a front row seat to rock bottom. I was scared. Identifying goals helped me navigate the terrifying terrain.

A few suggestions:

• Keep a journal. In the whirlwind of living with an alcoholic, the act of writing down what’s happening is indispensable, allowing you to really see what’s going on in your life, as well as track any progress you’re making.

• Exercise. It’s good for your health, as well as your emotional well-being. Walk. Bike. Jog. Swim. You don’t need to join a gym or embark on a new activity. Just get moving to stay healthy and clear your head.

• Keep connected. That doesn’t mean you need to entertain or attend glamorous parties, it’s about being with people you enjoy. That could be walking with a friend, lunch with a coworker or visiting family. A healthy social life reduces stress, boosts immunity, enhances cognitive function, decreases the risk of depression and increases self-esteem. You’re likely feeling lonely. Choose not to be alone.

• Ask for help. One nurse said to me: ‘There’s no such thing as too much help.’ So true.  Each person in your life has something to offer. Tap into the wealth of goodness in your social circle.

• It’s OK to tweak your list along the way. A Goals list is a guide, not a binding legal document.

Take care. Be well. Focus on you!